Thoughts of Sania

 A head full of thoughts, a notebook filled with ideas But a mouth full of silence with eyes on a distant land Devasted and inconsolably weeping inside Because I have to see all my prospects die As they suffocate with longing and slowly crumble to death I have so many schemes in mind for you and me I say to my newest idea that I received But now, all it gets to see is my back as I leave Wishing it left me and not the other way around Heartbroken as I  walk away and it falls to the ground I can't even rejoice in the fact that I have the power To make these ideas keep coming back to me  As I keep giving them hope of their release repeatedly For I know that the day they decide that enough is enough They shall desert me completely and life will be tough It's not that I don't want to speak up, it's just that I can't I lack the courage in my little heart, and I want to be included And not be called weird for believing and thinking different From all of those who have set ...

Curled in a fetal position at death's door There is nowhere else to go Nobody to whom she wants to show The depressed self that hates everyone and everything Hates all of the glamour of this world and the bling She said she hates it here, she feels trapped  But to everyone else, she is just entranced By what those voices make her do Even though what they say isn't necessarily true In her mind, she is brewing potions Of insecurities and false notions Everything fueled by what they say to her  Every feeling she has forgotten is now coming back And it is making her feel rotten She has already crossed the bridge  That most can't follow All that just so that she can wallow Without people telling her to be Grateful for all that she has been And to look forward to a better tomorrow Will she find peace here at last? She wonders  But then her mind begins to wander And that fallacy of peace is squandered The voices come in again and plead guilty As she is buried in the sand wi...

 My shaky hands try grabbing onto The gentle mummers of your voice As you pass me by like wind, I try holding on to every shred As if letting you go is a sin. If I possibly could, I'd hold on for eternity and I'd cherish your antics eternally. If forever really was a thing, We'd be woven together for good, Seeming everlastingly happy, To all those who looked. But now, all I can muster up are Despondent cries and anguished sighs. Because now that you're gone, I'm left to wonder what I'll see, If I were to stare into the mirror for too long. Will I see more of you than me? For every part of me is  Imprinted with the lies of  'Forever,' you once told me.

Staring at the screen all day long I know this isn't where I belong I look at old photos of us from time to time Being reckless in the stages of our prime Frolicking and laughing under the sun Truly thinking that with each other, we had won. My eyes are now always on a distant land Where she resides and I'm meant to be But how do I get there? That's unplanned Years ago, I meant to ask- "Take me with you when you go?" For I knew she was a rolling stone But it was too late she had already left. Discarding me as if I hadn't waited For her and for her upcoming quest. Dwindling down I cry for her to come back And not break our 'sister's forever' pact But once it all settled down inside, Heartbroken and miserable, I felt Knowing these feelings couldn't be helped Because my yearning to leave with her It was so emphasised, it was so strong And my stay in this place without her It felt so sullen and it felt so wrong.

My love is mine, all mine I wish I could let you know that too Because you seem to use it all the time. You crossed the lines I drew. All the precautions I insisted you have, Into the wind, you threw. All the boundaries I made, You disregarded them all, And I just watched them fade. After you're done with your torment, If I'll be able to pick up all my pieces, I'll join them together before I lament. After you're done with me, I'll never let my love be  Departed from me. If it were up to me, I wouldn't share it Even if I were to perish  I'd perish holding on to it. Because it's my love, all mine.

 What are you thinking? I ask you as  I lie beside you, clueless and insecure With your face under the moonlight looking so pure While we look up, stargazing, at the beach You smile and tilt your head towards me And all at once, all of my worries flee You didn't answer my question but I know From the look on your face and that glow. You were thinking about us, weren't you? Our near future of togetherness wherein You and I are blessed with worries so few Not because we are oblivious to the hereafter but  Because our good times are long due. I smile too, and you say I look beautiful Especially with the moonlight reflecting on my face,  And with that praise, I lock eyes with your tender gaze Which soothes me and puts my mind in a calm haze. I wish this day never ends, I pray to the shooting star That I almost missed as I was looking over to you And I know you saw that shooting star too and  You probably wished for the same thing too Even though you say you don't be...

 Maybe you were meant to always thrive... Not just survive, but actually live a life But, what if now, in the midst of all this gloom, Was the best moment of your life? You just didn't realise that it was Until all the other moments came crashing down Without even making a sound 'Life could be better than this' Or so you always thought. So you kept working for it But 'this' is what you got. Now, you're just looking back at life Feeling all distraught, because You failed to think that life could be worse Maybe you were meant to be happier Meant to live a life filled with delight But what if, right now, was the moment That you'd ever be the happiest in your life Because what if, right now, things are the best The best that they could've ever been And you just failed to live the moment   You're probably thinking If 'this' is the best, then I don't want it I'm sure there is better out there... I'll work hard to get those things that I...