Thoughts of Sania

If I were a poet, I'd fear words failing me. If I could sing, I'd cower at losing my voice. If I were a dancer, I'd dread losing a limb. But here I am, with nothing; no need to be afraid, Still, trepidation courses through my veins, Setting my nerves ablaze. What do I owe the displeasure to? I question every little thing that troubles me And ultimately end up questioning myself Because, at last, am I not the cause of my own agony? Why do I even need to be afraid? Even if my demise is tomorrow What is it that I'm so afraid of losing? With these thoughts in mind, Shouldn't I be living as free as a bird? But here I am with foreboding angst outlaid.

If I'm brave enough to cut deep enough Will I be able to cut off All the portions I dislike? Tear those away from All my remaining flesh and bones In hopes to salvage what was left behind Once they're gone I'll convert the scars into something beautiful Like one covers a bad tattoo But till those parts of me are here I'll weep and hope for courage to never come Because, perhaps, I hold beauty in this eccentric way too   

I   despise strong emotions, I get overwhelmed easily. I don't like strong sentiments, Yet they engulf me repeatedly.   I'm no glorious soul, I get antagonized frequently. I hate powerlessness, And I tend to want control. So what do I do? I come up with lies, I deceive. I live the facade, Because I'm always ready to flee. I hide behind my delusions, To preserve what's left. Then I work my way up Skillfully crafting many more illusions.

 BEING CHEERFUL Is being cheerful going out of trend? Like the way you smile, When life makes you lose and bend Why is being cheerful going out of trend? Like the way you hope for better When given the stick's short end. All I see are moping faces Trending by grieving Grieving to their latest sorrow Having no hope for tomorrow. Is being cheerful going out of trend? Like the way you stand tall, Even after your own downfall. Why is being cheerful going out of trend? Like the way you cheer, And drink to your competitor's success's beer.

 ENCHANTING DREAMS Do I look stupid? Running away from dreams that enchant me? Enchanted less, I feel haunted more now. I wish I could ignore them or at least, I wish I could fulfil them. But how do you continue without hope? How do you continue without direction? How do you achieve what seems impossible? These are dreams I see with open eyes, They don't let me sleep. These are the dreams I want to fight for... But these are also the dreams I'm fighting against. It's because these dreams have the power, The power to ruin what I'm working so hard for. But these dreams, they also are the power, The power I hold on to so I don't crumble, Crumble to pieces and fall down on the dusty ground. [-sincerely, a dreamer whose goals are defined by society.]  

 WHEN I DIE When I die, Don't look for me In beautiful sunsets across the sea; Or in the sky, feeling the air you breathe For all traces of the life of me Will be six feet under, Under the ground where No one can see the blemishes and blunders That we made together, When we merrily played together. When I'm gone.....  Please don't act all mighty and strong. Let the people know That I was cherished and loved Through all the whimpers and sobs. Let them know, That my absence meant something. Perhaps to just you, not them But let them know, That I really mattered. When I die, Don't try to feel me In the soft summer rain. You know I wrecked thunderstorms, With my feelings of desire and rage. And try not to stargaze  While looking for me For you'll get entranced By the bigger, brighter stars While I glow calmly somewhere else. When I'm gone...  Don't be shy to Freely point out my wrongs, Along with all the mistakes I made. For I never pretended to be The angel all...

 I AM WOMAN I am God's precision I am grace I am the fire burning in your face. I'm what you can't envision, I am every holy man's unholy decision. I am phenomenal I am worthy. I am the one thing, Your shaking hands can't hold sturdy. I am tact, I am something you thought Wouldn't remain eternally intact. I am the enchantress I am your merit's peak. I am the vehemence of your desire, And I see you still staring as we speak. I am bewitching  I am beguiling Every time you look my way, I see you dubiously smiling. I am woman. I come in many forms Some frail some warm, Others thickskinned; stirring up a storm. I am mighty,  I am exceptional, Even though I am not God's model-sized angel.